L.I.F.E.

原来后来的一切一切；

都只不过是因为一段不够长时间的离开；

很多事情；

其实；

真的是；

必须要很后来；

才知道的。

 

那时候的痛；都是假的；

想起来；

只不过是无病呻吟。

 

in retrospect;

i wonder if we should have done more;

you know;

i can’t look at you the way i used to look at you;

anymore;

anymore……….

 

Waitress: Qu’est-ce que vous sers? (What can I get for you?)
Céline: (To Jesse.) What do you want?

Jesse: Um, a cup of coffee.

Céline: Un café et un citron pressé, s’il vous plait. (A coffee and lemonade, please.)

Jesse: (Sighs.) God, I love this cafe. I wish they had places like this in the U.S.

Céline: Yeah, I missed cafes when I was living over there. I mean, I find a few places I really liked, but there was…

Jesse: (Interrupting.) You…You were living in the U.S.?

Céline: Yes, from, uh, ‘96 to ‘99. I was studying at NYU.

Jesse: OH, GOD (looks down in disgust) don’t tell me that, Céline! (Covers his eyes.)

Céline: What?!

Jesse: No, it’s just…Nothing, I mean I…

Céline: What?

i have not hear from you;

for the longest time;

i miss news of you;

how are you?

 

i’m fine, thanks;

although what i really wanted to say was;

 

not so great, but im getting by;

 

oh, and so, what are you doing?

 

me? just chilling.

although what i really wanted to say was;

im actually learning how to evaporate into thin air;

want to try?

 

 

ok then, you take care alrite?

 

yea, sure, same to you;

although what i really wanted to say was;

i will take good care of myself even without you telling me to take care of myself, idiot!

 

 

consider yourself lucky;

and please thank my parents;

that;

i was not raise to be rude;

though at times i really want to be.

 

dont be so melodramatic;

i’m not;

then tell me what the fuck is wrong;

do not scream at me;

there’s nothing wrong;

that’s the thing;

can’t you see?

don’t you get it?

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH US;

i wish there is something wrong;

here;

between us;

but there is none; zero; nothing;

i hate this;

i hate us for being so right;

let’s just do something;

do something really really wrong;

then i might feel better;

i just might.

 

 

 

 

(They enter Le Pure Café together.)

Céline: (To the cafe staff.) Bonsoir!

Jesse: (Smiles and nods to the cafe staff.) Bonsoir.

Céline: So, you want to sit over there?

Jesse: Yeah, this is perfect. Oh, wow, maybe what I’m saying is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. (They arrive at a table. Céline puts down her bag, and both Céline and Jesse remove their jackets as they sit down.)

Right, I mean…me, for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don’t know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, racked with insecurity, you know? Now I’m older, my problems are deeper, but I’m more equipped to handle them. (He leans forward and rests both forearms on the table.)

Céline: So what are your problems?

Jesse: (Smiles, and leans back.) Right now? I don’t have any. I don’t, you know? Just (takes a breath) damn happy to be here!

Céline: Me too. (He stares at her while she pauses.) So, how long have you been in Paris?

Jesse: I got in last night, I’ve done 10 cities in 12 days. I’m wrecked. I’m so glad it’s over, you know? I’m tired of being a huckster. (A waitress approaches the table to take their order.)

 

Hey Jude

Hey, Jude, don’t make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey, Jude, don’t be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better.

And any time you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders
Well don’t you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

Hey, Jude! Don’t let her down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember, to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey, Jude, begin
You’re waiting for someone to perform with
And don’t you know that it’s just you, hey, Jude,
You’ll do, the movement you need is on your shoulder

of all people;

i thought you would understand;

without me even saying anything;

we have come this far;

we have been together long enough;

i realise;

it does not really matter;

nothing really matter;

i took back what i said;

even if it means i’m putting myself to shame;

to all people.

before we met;

i asked you;

“what do you think about me?”;

“you are a brave girl and that you are going places.”;

we met for the very first time that nite;

on a full moon nite;

i asked you the very same question again after dinner;

“still very brave.”;

being brave, that’s all i ever wish i could be;

but thank you for the nite;

thank you;

really.

Jesse: Yeah. You know, I actually alternated between thinking that…You know, everything is irrevocably screwed up, and that things might be getting better in some ways.

Céline: (Disapprovingly.) Better? How could you possibly say that?

Jesse: Well, I just mean, you know, like…I mean, I know it sounds weird, but there are things to be optimistic about.

Céline: OK…uh, I know your book is selling, which is great, I’m very happy for you, but let me break the news for you, OK? The world is a mess right now!

Jesse: I wasn’t saying that…

Céline: (Voice rising, with a mocking tone.) I can’t see how you can say things are getting “a bit better.” OK, we’re moving all our industry to developing nations. We can get cheap labor free of any environmental laws. (They stop, and she gesticulates to make her points.) OK, the weapon industry is booming. Five million people die every year from preventable water disease. So, how is the world getting any better? I’m not getting angry, I’m not getting angry, but come on, I want to know, I’m interested!

Jesse: OK, I realize that there are a lot of serious problems in the world.

Céline: OK (sighing), thank you!

Jesse: (Sarcastically.) I mean, I don’t even have one publisher in the whole Asian market. (Laughs.)

Céline: OK, alright. (Turns away in mock disgust, then turns back to Jesse with her left hand raised, wiggling her fingers back and forth.) Say “stop.”

Jesse: OK, OK, what? “Stop.”

Céline: (Stops wiggling her fingers, and gives him just the 3rd finger.) OH!

Jesse: (Playfully grabs at her left wrist to put her hand down.) No, look, all I’m saying is that there’s more awareness out there, right? (Pounds his right fist into his left palm.) People are going to fight back!

Céline: OK. (Motions for them to continue walking forward.)

life itself is just one big circle after another;

living by the same people;

talking in the same sense;

wearing the same shoes;

the truth of the matter is;

though how ever unbearable it may seems;

living unwillingly as you might;

life is unmistakably no big mystery;

you are only living what other had lived;

they lived and now they’re gone;

and i said it again;

life itself is just one big circle after another.

    Then suddenly the intoxication gave way to anguish: The road had to end somewhere! Sooner or later she would have to put an end to her betrayals! Sooner or later she would have to stop herself!

    It was evening and she was hurrying though the railway station. The train to Amsterdam was in. She found her coach. Guided by a friendly guard, she opened the door to her compartment and found Franz sitting on a couchette. He rose to greet her; she threw her arms around him and smothered him with kisses.

    She had overwhelming desire to tell him, like the most banal of women, “Don’t let me go, hold me tight, make me your plaything, you slave, be strong!” But they were words she could not say.

    The only thing she said when she released her from his embrace was, “You don’t know how happy I am to be with you.” That was the more reserved nature allowed her to express.

              ~~the unbearble lightness of being by Milan Kundera~~
                                                                    (thanks Dorothy!)

But when the strong were too weak to hurt the weak, the weak had to be strong enough to leave.

you said i appologize too much;

asking me why am i feeling sorry all the time;

you know what;

i am not sorry that i have feelings for you;

you are someone to me;

not just anyone;

but someone;

i couldn’t care less otherwise;

truth is;

i care for you a great deal;

you and i have long been personal with each other;

whether we realise it or not.

the furthest distance in the world
is not between life and death
but when i stand in front of you
yet you don’t know that
i love you
the furthest distance in the world
is not when i stand in front of you
yet you can’t see my love
but when undoubtedly knowing the love from both
yet cannot
be togehter
the furthest distance in the world
is not being apart while being in love
but when plainly can not resist the yearning
yet pretending
you have never been in my heart
the furthest distance in the world
is not
but using one’s indifferent heart
to dig an uncrossable river
for the one who loves you

              The furthest distance in the world
                                  –   Ranbindranath Tagore(1861-1941)

世界上最遥远的距离，不是生与死
而是我就站在你的面前，你却不知道我爱你

世界上最遥远的距离，不是我站在你面前，你却不知道我爱你
而是明明知道彼此相爱，却不能在一起

世界上最遥远的距离，不是明明知道彼此相爱，却不能在一起
而是明明无法抵挡这股想念，却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里

世界上最遥远的距离，不是明明无法抵挡这股想念，
却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里
而是用自己冷漠的心对爱你的人掘了一条无法跨越的沟渠

                               世界上最遥远的距离 —泰戈尔

Jesse: How is it disturbing?

Céline: I don’t know, just…being part of someone else’s memory. Seeing myself through your eyes. How long did it take you to write it?

Jesse: Um, uh, 3 or 4 years, on and off.

Céline: Wow, that’s a really long time to be writing about one night.

Jesse: Yeah, I know, tell me about it. (Sighs out loud.)

Céline: I always assumed you had forgotten me.

Jesse: No, I had a pretty clear picture of you in my mind. I have to tell you something. (They stop and face each other.) I just…

Céline: What?

Jesse: I wanted to talk to you for so long, you know, that now…

Céline: Yeah, me too.

Jesse: It’s just surreal, you know, I feel like everything out of my mouth should be…

Céline: I know, I know, how long do we have? (Motions to her wrist.) 20 minutes and 30 seconds? Let’s go!

今晚，留下来;

你到底想要我怎么样？

留下来，我要你留下来;

我觉得我自己很蠢，你知道吗？

对不起，我真的只是希望你留下来，不要哭;

留下来;

be with me;

dont say anything now;

just be with me.

talk some sense to me;

make me understand;

we’re going to do this;

and really;

we’re going to do this;

i don’t want no more turning back;

this is real;

this is what it is;

don’t fuck around with it anymore!

Céline: So things are going well for you, right? I mean, your book is a best seller in the U.S.

Jesse: It’s a TINY best-seller. (He motions with his fingers to show how tiny.)

Céline: Oh, come on.

Jesse: Alright, yeah right, officially, yes, but I mean most people haven’t read Moby Dick, you know, so why should they read my book?

Céline: Well, I haven’t read Moby Dick, and I liked your book, so…

Jesse: Thanks.

Céline: You know (points at Jesse quizzically), I thought you idealized the night a bit.

Jesse: Oh, come on, it’s officially fiction.

Céline: No, no, no. No, I know, I know. I know, I thought…You know, there were times when you made me a…well, I mean her, right? No, me…OK, whatever! A little bit neurotic!

Jesse: You are a little bit like that, aren’t you?

Céline: You think I’m neurotic? (Furrows her brow disapprovingly.)

Jesse: No, no, no, come on, I’m kidding! Where did I do that? I didn’t do that.

Céline: Well, maybe it’s just me. You know, uh, reading something knowing that the character in the story is based on you…it’s both…flattering and disturbing at the same time.

现在的感觉；

因为我们的存在而存在；

过去的温存；

却没有因你的离开而离开。

“谈天说地是最理想的出路；

谈音乐，谈时事；不说爱；

若无其事原来是最狠的报复。”

in the end;

as always, i’m too afraid to ask about you and your view on relationship;

i want to figure out why, so that i can know you better, in a way;

i don’t think it’s because of me, but even so, you would’ve told me that it’s not because of me;

you probably dont want me to know you that well;

though at times i tempted to try so badly but i insisted myself not to;

i’m sure even if i try, you would’ve said no anyway, like i know you would;

besides you can always lie;

at the same time i am falling into the same trap myself;

i suppose;

wanting to be just friends and all;

unfortunately i am weaker;

being reckless and insensible;

i hated myself for not being able to say no;

i hated myself for being so useless and powerless in front of all this;

there’s so much addiction to this attraction;

it’s far from just being to be able to make love to you;

it’s not just that;

it’s something beyond that;

at least for me;

it’s when you keep on talking and how i don’t feel annoy at all;

it’s when you always ask me a question that i’m unable to answer;

it’s when you and i have to crack our heads having to make stupid decision and have light-hearted quarrel for whatever that we have to make decision about;

it’s when you always ask me about something and my opinion is somewhat almost always the contrary; all this is making sense because if you like everything i like and i like everything you like, then i wouldn’t have like you the way i like you now;

it’s when you and i deliberately annoy the hell out of each other just for the fun of it;

it’s when how you and i laying around to watch a movie;

it’s when Maroon 5 turned up randomly on your i-pod and it makes me feel very happy;

it’s when you’re sleeping and i am able to hear you snoring and wake up beside you the next day;

it’s when you and i are making a random conversation over a small cup of morning coffee;

it’s how i am able to say something awfully silly and not to be seen as silly;

it’s when i am able to touch and hold you without saying a word;

it’s when how i know it’s enough just by knowing that you are there;

and i could go on…………..

these are the little unnoticeable feelings that made it all up for as long as i could remember the things that have had happened between us;

all these things are the things that i can’t say no to;

i would’ve still enjoy myself being with you;

even without doing anything;

even without saying a word;

even without making love to you;

it’s beyond that now;

i seem ridiculously stupid to have made you think that all my staying with you was because i want to make love to you;

i would’ve still stay, even if i can’t make any love to you, i would’ve still stay;

the thought of always presuming things will be more bearable by saying less was wrong;

but in my case, i don’t think it would help anyway if i talk too much;

i will just confuse people and myself even more;

that’s just me;

and i couldn’t think of the reason why am i writing this;

presumably, this is just something stupid that i needed to do.

Céline: So why didn’t you put that “six months later, uh, the French bitch didn’t have show up.” You know, like…

Jesse: But I did, I did.

Céline: You did?

Jesse: Yeah, no, I mean I made it more hopeful. I wrote this whole fictional version in which you actually do show up.

Céline: Oh, what happens?

Jesse: Well, um…

Céline: What?

Jesse: Well, we make love for about ten days straight, that’s one part of it.

Céline: Oh, that’s interesting. So, “the French slut.” Yeah, OK, OK…

Jesse: Yeah, exactly. It’s just, then they, you know, they start to get to know each other better and they realize that they don’t get along at all.

Céline: Oh, I like that. It’s more real.

Jesse: Yeah, well, my editor didn’t think that way.

Céline: No, everyone wants to believe in love. It sells, right?

Jesse: Yeah, exactly…so…